Part 1
The photos here are harrowing images I was forced to come to terms with in February 2019. They represent the most formidable trial I have faced in my earthly existence but also one of the better lessons I will ever experience. Now, two years later, I feel compelled to share my experience openly.
I started seeing double while driving one day. I took it lightly at first, thinking it would go away, but by the next day but the situation deteriorated. I could hardly see the door in front of me as I departed for work that day. It was at that moment I knew that something was gravely wrong. I needed to get myself checked out.
After an examination by a close friend and specialist, I was sent for an MRI scan. I calmly awaited the results as, even though I knew of the dire possibilities, I never imagined that it would be me in those images above.
I received the devastating news with remarkable composure. I had a brain tumour. My first thought was that I had to have it removed and get on with my life. There was no time for tears.
I immediately apprised my family of my situation and quickly made arrangements. Time was precious. In a few short weeks I flew to Jamaica, home of my alma mater the University of the West Indies and the University Hospital where my tumour was to be removed.
Upon my arrival to Jamaica a few days prior to my surgery, I began experiencing a painful headache that would not be relieved. It was literally the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. Out of precaution I was admitted to the hospital. It was then that I began to have seizures due to the brain tumour. The experience and the uncertainty was terrifying.
Thankfully, I found comfort in my hour of trial. The support of my Jamaican community during my hospitalisation was overwhelming and heartwarming. I lost count of the number of old classmates, professors and friends that graced my bedside – concerned well-wishers who were shocked to know I was even there in the first place. I had no enemies but I was surprised by some of the individuals that took time out of their busy schedules to drive hours to see me.
I can honestly say that Jamaica felt like a home away from home – a feeling that will always remain in my heart.
Mercifully, I had my brain tumor removed but the most challenging part was definitely the aftermath…
PART 2 …THE RECOVERY
Before I continue, I need to thank the surgeons and nursing staff at the University Hospital for taking such excellent care of me. Without them I wouldn’t be here.
After my successful surgery I had to face the aftermath, and it wasn’t what I expected it to be. It was truly a struggle as I felt like my life had been dismantled.
During this time, the reality of my situation slowly began to sink in. So many questions flooded my mind – If I ignored these signs for a month longer, would I have been alive? Why was this happening to me? When my vision blurred, my future seemed to go with it.
Before that fateful day, I was a young professional on the cusp of my early prime. I had an exciting job offer in the United Kingdom and I felt like the world was my oyster. I planned to go forth and hone my craft with the goal of eventually returning home to help improve healthcare in my beautiful country. To continue my father’s legacy.
Now, everything felt pointless: my well-planned life and years of hard work; countless sleepless nights; over 12 challenging years of school and internship. They all seemed for nothing.
I did everything I was supposed to do to the best of my capabilities. Why then, was this happening? There were times when I didn’t sleep for days because of either work or study. Did my sacrifice of spending time with friends, family and loved ones mean absolutely nothing?
All of these thoughts and emotions made the recovery process even more challenging. I was depleted. Seemingly mundane tasks like taking a shower took tremendous effort and caused me to fall asleep from the exhaustion.
Due to the brain fog, I could not put a structured sentence together without feeling frustrated nor could I perform the simplest of tasks unaided. I could not even put on my shoes without assistance.
The worst part was that I could not rest my head on a pillow because of the pain of my healing surgical wound. As a result, I slept sitting up for weeks.
I would look in the mirror and all I could say to myself was “what a failure”.
I remember crying to my older cousin on the phone, thinking I had become useless and I had no value to anyone anymore. I had lost confidence in myself as an individual, something I never lacked before. I felt like I hit rock bottom.
Part 3 – ENLIGHTENMENT
Thank you to everyone who has expressed their support today! The fact that my story has affected so many of you makes recalling these painful memories worthwhile.
I am thankful for you and even morseo eternally thankful for everyone who walked with me on my road to recovery. Dealing with me during that time must have been extremely difficult and I may have pushed some individuals away. I may have been cold to some but you guys stuck by me every day whether it was by sending a message or a paying quick visit.
As my recovery progressed, my world began to slow down for the first time in years. I focused inward and allowed myself to remain quietly with my thoughts. I was imbued with the realization that life is precious and I had no time to waste being resentful, bitter, or to wallow in self-pity.
I committed to spending my time sharing positivity, happiness and love throughout the community and to do right by my fellow man. It took me at least one year after the surgery to heal to the point where I could begin this effort, holding firm to my resolve to treat everyone with love and respect. Regardless of my own views, feelings or beliefs, I knew that I had no idea what others were going through.
It is my hope that the love and positivity I spread is contagious and that people recognize that nothing in life is guaranteed. All the things we feel entitled to can all go away in a blink of an eye.
The things that were a big deal and got me upset were meaningless and I regretted wasting my time on them. I regret the bridges I have burnt in the past that in retrospect were trivial in the grand scheme of life. I am at peace as an individual now, but I refuse to be content. Everyday I’ll strive to be better even if it’s a minuscule improvement. I do hope this message can be used as a platform to show your neighbour kindness and to not overlook the important things in life.